I don’t know why but I am writing this. I miss you sometimes but the wounds which you gave me are not going to heal anytime soon. Even if you come back to me, you cannot heal these wounds.
You yourself cannot fill the void I felt after we ended things.
I know you wanted nothing to do with me and you never “want to cross paths” with me. I just don’t understand why you thought you couldn’t stop me from leaving. You were just quiet though you did not hesitate to write a thousand words to my friend the next day.
The ease with which you talked with her, we had that before. I don’t understand why it changed. I thought it was the beginning of our story but I did not anticipate that it was just the beginning of the end. Some days it’s just easy to block all the memories out but the other days it just feels like someone drove a stake through my heart. I was always anxious with you. I changed for you and that change was bad for me. Maybe even you could see that you were not good for me.
My world just revolved around you and you became reckless with me.
I wish you stayed but I am glad that you left. I am glad that you just didn’t even care to look back. It made it easier for me to look forward to the next day. You made yesterday so horrible that today this numbness feels better. Thanks to you I won’t feel again. I won’t feel the pain anymore. I was a girl who remembered every detail of her life but I faintly remember “Us”. Sometimes I even forget that there was an us. People ask me about you, I don’t blame them they didn’t know that you broke my heart. You see I learned to put up a brave front, something that I picked up from you. The only difference is you hid your insecurities and I hid my remorse. You were good for me once upon a time, you were and I won’t even deny that.
You challenged me to do things I thought I couldn’t do. Maybe it’s pathetic that I can still see the good in you. I used to defend your mistakes maybe that’s why I still find a way to protect you. I don’t hate you and I am sure I don’t love you. I just thought I did and I tried to do everything I could to make it work. I thought my love was enough for this to work. But it wasn’t.
You were not enough for me and I wasn’t enough for you. You drained me and you never held me close. I don’t even know how you took this breakup and I still care. I still have my humanity. Yes, you hurt me but I can heal faster than you think.